I've been feeling sort of down lately. I won't say depressed but I will say I've had my wits scattered and my energy has been ebbing. I can't seem to concentrate on the stuff I want to concentrate on. And I've had a lot of disordered sleeping too.
This scares me very much and it's made me go into a never-ending chain of excusing myself because if I don't excuse myself then I might actually be depressed and that would ruin my life forever. I can't afford to be depressed. I've been thinking that non-stop since about last Wednesday. It's really getting to my nerves.
Today I woke up at ten but was too tired to move my butt to swimming class, so I decided that fuck this shit, what is one missed class? I fell asleep again almost immediately and had the strangest effing dream I've had in a long time. I woke up and I kept thinking, what a strange dream that was. Yet I could not recall all those details that had made my dream so fascinating. I have a special relationship with dreams. I get the typical confusing, dream-logic stuff everyone is always talking about (Oh no! I'm at school and I forgot to dress after taking a bath! Maybe everyone in the subway was just too nice to point that out) but now and then I get these amazing stories springing all fully-formed in my head. I always try to write down the bare essentials of them in case I ever want to put them in my books or something.
All day today, I just kept thinking how magnificently well this particular dream fulfilled this particular purpose. I kept trying to sort out the dream content in my brain, thinking how I was going to write it down as soon as I was done cooking myself some lunch. Then I forgot all about it and proceeded with the normal trappings of Mundania.
I was just about to go to sleep now (in an unproductive effort to control my sleeping patterns) when I remembered my intentions and decided just to give them a go. The problem is that now that the whole day stands between me and my dream, I don't actually remember what it was about.
So let's take a look at what I can unravel from the dream-logic:
There were three girls in my dream and they kind of reminded me of Magic Knight Rayearth or the Powerpuff Girls, with the different color schemes and such. I guess you could assume they were fighting for love and justice or something because my brain certainly assumed that immediately. (This is of course a very clear sign that I should STOP talking about Sailor Moon already. I haven't stopped all week dammit!)
I only remember the particulars of two of them: one was tall and thin and extremely nerdy and seemed to remind me of that girl geek in Disney's Recess cartoon. The other was kind of tough, dark-haired and green-eyed, very like Buttercup from the aforementioned Powerpuff Girls cartoon.
But what was most interesting to me was that whatever Big Bad they were fighting had existed in their past lives. Of course they had past lives, what kind of magical girl dream do you think this is? And apparently they had served it too, not fought it like they were doing now. I knew this but my protagonists were discovering it little by little.
And now that we're talking about past lives, our Buttercup stand-in seemed to have had multiple faces in hers. One minute she would be older and more beautiful than ever, with her dark, wavy hair and her green, green eyes, and the next her face would look like a mask, long-nosed and grinning and with the sort of exaggerated features only artifice has (kind of like the masks my friend Derre draws). And sometimes she would be an older woman, with wrinkles and wisdom in her look. Not a very comforting sort of wisdom, mind you.
Our tall, nerdy friend had a different sort of problem. She seemed to remember more of the past than the others, and she recognized more things than they did. She seemed to be having problems at home too. I distinctly recall a disastrous dinner party with some twit or other who she was supposed to be chatting up according to her parents. Nothing so cliched as an arranged marriage but there was certainly some family pressure to get.it.on already!
But what really got to me, what made me look back at this and think, someday, I must write about it, was that our tall and nerdy friend was in love. There was a garden and flowers, and a window overlooking the garden. I think there was a storm outside and she set on her window sill waiting for him. I remember a dragon, not a European one, all reptilian and stinking, but one of those long, marvelous creatures that ride the storms and seem to have no end, and are wiser and kinder and wilder than any mortal can ever hope to be.
I remember he was their enemy too. I don't think she knew. In fact, I'm not sure she knew who he was at all. But she knew she was in love.