Friday, March 09, 2012

Get Up

I'm done crying. I'm done regretting. I love you like the sun, like you love breathing after thinking it's going to stop, I love you. I never thought about love except as heartache before. I had this foolish idea that love was accompanied always by tears, that suffering was intricately related to affection. You are joy, you are what makes my heart beat everyday.

I know that work and toil are worthwhile because they mean a little more mortar in the life we are building together. I know that I can face the day because I'll come back to you at night. I know that I am worth something because you never get tired of repeating it. You tell me that if we weren't together then there would be nothing in my way. I say to you, if you were not in my life I would have never had the courage to want, and then the temperance to accept. I wish I'd been born loving you, because then you would have made me undefeatable.

You asked me what was missing. You told me what you weren't giving me. But the truth is that you give me everything there is to give. Everything. You are so hurt now that I need to ask, aren't you wrong? Isn't it something that I am not giving you? If I could but love thee better. If I could make you feel, as you did to me, like Cordelia, like in a stormy and implacable world you can be rescued by the word "enough". I've told you, but... now I need you to do this for me. I need you to tell me what it is that makes you happy, so I can do it over, over, and over again.

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